Surviving is a good thing, obviously. It’s important and it’s a big deal when someone survives something, physical or emotional. Surviving can show part of a person’s strength. Their resilience. Their determination.
But. Surviving is just the beginning of the fight. There’s so much more to come afterwards, because really, we don’t just want to survive. We want to THRIVE.
Thriving is what happens later. After the actual incident. After the hard times. After the processing.
Because there will be hard times, and there will need to be processing. And guess what? You can’t do it alone.
Oh, I know you think you can. I did too. If you’re reading this, you’re likely somehow affiliated with police or some other first responder. So you’re also likely a type-A, or at least understand what it’s like to be a type-A and have some type of trauma. Type-A’s do not want to deal with emotions. They don’t want to talk, they don’t want to appear weak or vulnerable.
Well, my friend, suck it up and do it anyway.
Hey, I never said I was super into the touchy-feely thing. I’m more of the tough love type of gal. But even I managed to open up enough to work through the funk. Granted, it took about ten years longer than it should have, but that’s why I’m writing this. I want to help people realize what they have to do to fully heal so they can do it much sooner than I did.
I wasted so many years hurting, and it was such a simple solution in the end.
Humans weren’t meant to live this life alone. We were meant to have relationships. To lean on people. To help people. To love.
You can’t fully love other people if you don’t love yourself. Trust me, I used to think this was the biggest load of hippy garbage I had ever heard. But really how can you emanate love and spread it to other people if you don’t have it in your heart to begin with? It makes sense.
It’s likely that if you’re “stuck” in your trauma, you aren’t loving yourself the way you should. Which means you aren’t loving others the way you should. And you aren’t thriving.
Luckily for you, I know how you can change that. Unluckily for you, the answer is: TALKING. I mean real talking; digging deep down, getting into the painful stuff and working through it. Preferably, talking to someone who has been through something similar or who has been trained and has experience talking to people who have been.
No, it’s not easy. Nothing worthwhile is. But it’s worth it. It’s SO worth it. I promise you when you get past surviving and break into thriving…wow. That’s the best I can do to describe the feeling. It’s just amazing.
It’s like you’re a fly inside a house banging into a sliding glass door over and over again. You want so badly to be outside, but you’re just…stuck. You can’t get out. But then someone else comes along and helps you out by opening the door for you and BOOM! You’re free! (Or they smack you with a fly swatter, but that’s not part of the analogy).
There are so so so so many people and organizations that are out there and available to help. I am literally begging you: If you’re hurting, reach out to one of them. They are waiting around twiddling their thumbs hoping and praying that you’ll call them.
It’s time to give them something to do.
It’s time to call.
It’s time to thrive.
it is so hard to ask for help. I want to call my old therapist and see if he will see me. I am afraid he will not and I can not bear the idea of rejection . I went to him for a long but since I was still cutting he said he had to send me to someone else. I wish I had never told him about it. I have not found another one that understand about the job. I had to leave it in 2012. that are more than likely get fired. I had 22 years in. I get angry at myself because I did not fight hardier. Part of me know i just did not have anything left to fight with. I find myself going over in my head all the things I should have said. That came with the job. See I was taught to go over in you hear head how to react to calls and such. Then you were better prepare when you had to do it for real None of that helped with the real crap from my bosses. I was afraid to tell them how bad stuff was. My wonderful officers were the one that got me to go. I have learned to follow the it is what is it. I will tell people do not wait to long, find someone to share. BUT be careful because some time that person will not have your back. Some time when you go to ask for help you get written up instead. For me is about learning how to make the best of what you have . How to be comfortable with your own company. That does not work for everyone. You have to find that work and what keeps you alive and at least half way sane. IT a lot harder when you wait until it really bad to get help. You become so comfortable in your illness you do know want to change . This is the “normal ” for you and you do not know any other way. You can only learn how to deal with thing better. Sorry to be a downer but some time it is making the best of what you have
Thank you so much for sharing. You’re absolutely right that you have to be careful who you share things with. You can make the best of what you have even better by finding the right people to talk to; people who understand. If you check my “resources” page, you’ll find several places you can reach out to, and everything stays confidential. My email address is also there, feel free to reach out. Thanks again for sharing, I appreciate you!
Thank you for writing Leah! This is a really important message that needs to be heard. So many officers are hurting in silence.
Very well put. I hope somehow your words gets out to people who need them.
Very well put. I hope somehow your words gets out to people who need them.